deviant art

Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Download File
HTML, 543 bytes
more ▶

More from ~darkside666

Featured in Groups:

Details

October 19, 2004
543 bytes
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 3
Favourites: 1 [who?]

Views: 49 (0 today)
Downloads: 6 (0 today)
[x]


Clench my fist
Bite down hard
Run the blade across my soft flesh
Pierced, sliced, hacking it up

Bloods running down my arm
Ive never cutt this much before
Oh look I'm still going
and ready for more

I'll spin around in circles
Letting my blood trickle to the floor
Spray some on the door

I can't stop now
I need to finish
Cutting away at my soul
:icondarkside666:
This is oneof the most graphic poems ive ever done
:icontouchofred:
Ok, to give a serious opinion on this. It's good, I like it that is. The only thing I could pick out that I didn't think was right is the line "Spray some on the door ". Personally when I read something like this I'm trying to picture it - if you cut yourself so deep blood was actually spraying out you wouldn't be standing long enough to aim it - Just my opinion though.
Reply
:icondarkside666:
thanks :D I understand what you mean about that line , but what i meant was if you cutt yourself and spun around flicking blood on the door.
Reply
:icontouchofred:
It's good either way that's just something that stuck out at me ;)
Reply
Add a Comment: